Don't Touch
by aki.ari
Summary: Allen was raped on his last mission and he's antsy as hell. He has a mission with Kanda next and the older male is damnably curious about what happened. Yullen


**Warning: explicit sexual content between males**

**Don't Touch**

Kanda wasn't the most pleasant person at HQ; actually he was far from it, so when something didn't go his way, he'd kill whatever was in the way. Now Kanda had been scheduled to go on a mission with Allen as soon as the cursed exorcist returned from his mission, which had been several hours ago. Kanda wasn't patient and when Komui had said to wait with him in his office until Allen came to meet them Kanda had snapped.

"Kanda, what're you – you can't go in there!" Lenalee said as the dark haired samurai pushed her out of the way "Allen he's–" but her words fell on deaf ears as Kanda pushed open Allen's door ready to beat the crap out of him for making him wait so long – he was already upset he had to go on the mission with Allen and the boy was taking too damn long.

"How fucking long does..." Kanda trailed off as he stood frozen in his stride staring. There Allen stood, in nothing but his pants, his milk white skin of his upper body was marred by purplish bruises. The most prominent markings were the bruising around the boy's neck, upper arms and Kanda could distinctly see the blue-black skin peeking from the waist of Allen's pants.

"K…k...kanda," Allen stuttered as he quickly covered himself a blush painting his cheeks. It wasn't like Kanda had never seen Allen without his shirt on and really banged up but there was something strange about the placement of the bruises and the way Allen had rushed to cover himself almost as if–

"I'm sorry Allen," Lenalee said quickly from the door as she leaned in and pulled Kanda out, closing the door behind him. Kanda was confused, before Allen had registered it was him he'd had such a fearful expression on his face. And now that he thought about it Lenalee seemed quite troubled when he'd stormed past her.

"Kanda you should go back and wait with my brother, Allen will be out soon," Lenalee said her tone somber as she shifted her hands uneasily.

"What happened?" Kanda asked. Lenalee didn't say anything as she seemed torn over whatever had happened to Allen. Kanda's patience was wearing thinner and thinner by the minute until he cleared his throat to get her attention. Her teal eyes met Kanda's cobalt ones with a very serious expression.

"Allen was raped," Lenalee said, noting the shock that registered itself on Kanda's face, "on the last mission he – Lavi is filling Komui in on what happened on their mission right now." Lenalee looked away from Kanda her eyes lingering on Allen's door.

"He says he's fine, but he won't let anyone touch him," Lenalee said sadly. Kanda was having trouble processing the fact that Allen had been raped.

"How the hell did that happen?" Kanda asked a violent edge to his voice "the damn kid may be stupid and gullible but he's far from weak – how'd he manage to get raped?"

"God Kanda, can you be any less sensitive, he can hear you," Lenalee said angrily, "It's not like he asked for this to happen!" Kanda seemed taken aback by the Chinese girl's outburst. It was at this moment Allen decided to come out of his room, the ever present smile on his face.

"Sorry it took me so long," Allen said as he closed the door behind him.

"Che," Kanda turned and began walking down the hall back to Komui's office. Allen gave Lenalee an apologetic smile before following the older male. Kanda had slowed down and Allen had caught up, out of the corner of his eye Kanda observed the slight grimaces that seemed to reach Allen's eyes as he walked. 'He's obviously in pain, baka,' Kanda thought but couldn't suppress the anger as it bubbled up in his chest sill wondering how Allen could have possibly been raped.

The two walked into the office where Lavi and Komui were talking. When Lavi saw Allen, Kanda noted the regret that flitted across his features but Allen only offered a smile of reassurance in response to the look that he'd received.

"Allen I'm so sorry!" Komui wailed from behind his desk. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, really," Allen said. "But if you don't give us the mission specs I image Kanda may kill me." The joking tone seemed out of place on the small boy's features. How he could put on such a front when he was feeling whatever pain or disgust was beyond what anyone could comprehend.

Komui sighed as he handed Kanda the folder containing the specifics of their mission before looking at Allen again.

"Are you sure you want to go on this mission now, I'm sure Lavi wouldn't mind going in your place," Komui suggested only for Allen to shake his head.

"Really you don't have to worry about me," Allen said. Nodding Komui looked to Kanda gesturing for him to take a seat next to Allen on the couch, which he did. Allen tensed at the change in pressure on the couch but didn't move or say anything, forcing himself to remain calm.

"You'll be going on a two-week mission to India. There have been recent disturbances regarding akuma and innocence in Goa. Your only objective is to retrieve the innocence," Komui said. Kanda had been flipping through the file while the Chinese man had been speaking, flipping it closed he handed it to Allen, who made to take it only to drop it, pulling his hand back hastily when Kanda's fingers brushed his. Quickly catching himself he smiled apologetically and crouched on the floor to gather the papers that had spilled from the file.

"Allen," Lavi said drawing said boy's attention. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be, it wasn't your fault – far from it actually," Allen said smiling as he returned he seat on the couch, however placing a bit more distance between himself and Kanda.

"You two will leave tonight. You'll take a train to the docks and then you'll take a boat until you reach Goa," Komui said as he watched Allen flip through the file papers, his silver eyes scanning each sheet quickly.

"Is that all?" Allen asked to which Komui nodded.

"Where are you going Moyashi?" Kanda asked as Allen walked past him placing the file on the desk.

"To the cafeteria, I'm starved," Allen said grinning sheepishly. Kanda sighed as he watched the younger boy leave the room.

"I'm going to go with Allen," Lavi said quickly running out of the room after the boy before Kanda had a chance to ask about the mission the two had just returned from.

"Kanda I'm not sending a finder with you this time, it'll just be you and Allen," Komui said. Kanda cocked a brow in questioning. "Ask him about what happened for yourself, try and make him comfortable in your presence. Two weeks is a long time when you're as skittish as he is right now."

"I have to babysit the brat?" Kanda asked incredulously.

"No, just look out for him," Komui said. "Now go and get ready for the mission," he added before Kanda could say anything else. The Japanese male huffed and left the room.

xXx

When Kanda walked by the cafeteria he spared a glance at Allen who was laughing and smiling with everyone like normal. Lavi seemed to have also settled into the calm atmosphere that surrounded Allen. Though everything appeared normal Kanda noticed how distanced Allen was – he was definitely not alright. Kanda stalked off towards the training halls shaking his head not knowing why he was letting the stupid cursed boy occupy his thoughts like that.

xXx

Kanda and Allen got on the train as scheduled and took a seat in their train compartment. Allen sat looking out the window the tiny golden golem nestled itself in Allen's white locks. Kanda was deep in thought as he stared at Allen. He wanted to ask about what happened but he didn't know where to start – and he wasn't even sure why he was so cautious of hurting Allen's feelings.

"Oi, Moyashi," Kanda said drawing Allen's attention, silver eyes met his cobalt ones waiting for whatever Kanda had to say.

"On your last mission, what exactly happened?" Kanda asked, seeing the flicker of fear flit through the silver discs before him only to be replaced by indifference.

"Nothing important," Allen said smiling.

"Do you think I'm fucking stupid? You've been antsy this whole time and if your paranoia is going to affect your performance during this mission I need to know now. I could always send you back to HQ – I doubt anyone would mind," Kanda said.

"I won't affect the mission," Allen said seriously before returning his gaze out the window.

"Why won't you tell me?" Kanda asked.

"You don't need to know," Allen said feeling his stomach twist in disgust with himself. He was already cursed, dysfunctional and dying and now he just felt filthy and utterly repulsed by himself and he didn't want Kanda to look at him with the same disgust that he was currently feeling because it would hurt all the more.

"Che," Kanda fell into his thoughts again; clearly the boy wasn't going to tell him anything.

xXx

Several hours had passed with silence between the two which was abnormal. Even though Kanda would rarely strike up any sort of conversation Allen didn't appear to like extended periods of silence and on previous missions he wouldn't shut up. The young boy seemed to rather the bickering and arguments than silence so when Allen hadn't even made an attempt to make conversation with Kanda the older male couldn't help but feel apprehensive.

Whatever had happened had been serious enough to throw Allen's smile and carefree attitude for a loop – of course being raped was no joke but the circumstance surrounding the event was a mystery to Kanda. Who had raped him? Why had Allen been unable to fight back? Where was the finder that had gone with Allen and Lavi on their mission? Why weren't they being accompanied by a finder on this one? Why was Allen so against talking about it?

"What happened to your finder?" Kanda asked thinking maybe Allen would be able to answer at least that simple question. Allen visibly tensed a dark expression crossing his face before it was gone and he was smiling again.

"He's dead," Allen replied simply without turning from the window.

"You can say that so calmly?" Kanda asked. "The Allen I know would be crying that he couldn't save the–"

"Shut up!" Allen yelled turning to face Kanda, eyes filled with unchecked anger and pain. "You don't know anything about me!"

"You're brave talking to me like that Moyashi," Kanda said a dangerous edge to his voice though he had been shocked by the outburst from the smaller exorcist. Allen was clearly volatile right now.

"Brave – hardly maybe I just want you to kill me," Allen said in a dark manner causing Kanda's thoughts to come to an abrupt halt. 'What the hell had that been?' Kanda wondered, mind reeling from Allen's previous statement. But just as he was about to confront Allen about it a smile and cheerful expression overtook Allen's pale features as he grabbed his bag and made for the door.

"Looks like we're here, time to go," Allen said as he reached his hand out to open the door.

Kanda grabbed Allen's wrist, he knew he shouldn't – that whatever Allen was feeling right now should be respected – but Allen has pissed him off not to mention confused him with his drastic mood swings. Kanda spun Allen to face him and noted the absolute terror in Allen's eyes; the boy wrenched his hand from Kanda's and shot him a deadly glare.

"Don't touch me," Allen said before walking out the door. 'I am disgustingly filthy, too tainted to be a warrior for God. You'll be tainted too if you touch me,' Allen thought sickened with himself.

'What the hell is going through his mind,' Kanda wondered as he grabbed his bag and followed after Allen.

xXx

The transfer to the boat went with little incident. The two spent a couple hours together in the silence of the small cabin; Allen had grown bored with Kanda's questioning gaze and got himself lost trying to navigate the ship. Kanda had dutifully retrieved the boy telling him to stay in the cabin and that should he get lost again he wouldn't be going to find him; Allen had laughed sheepishly as he apologized – acting much too normal for Kanda's comfort. How Allen could go from smiling and laughing to glaring and scowling in the blink of an eye was beyond him.

Kanda really couldn't stand the idea of spending the next few weeks with Allen acting like a volatile bomb so he'd been trying to get the boy to tell him about what had happened. If he knew then maybe Allen wouldn't be so damn skittish around him and he could avoid topics that were particularly touchy. But every damn time Kanda brought the subject up Allen would pull a 180 on him and Kanda would get nothing out of the boy but vague answers and insults – oh how the tables have turned.

"Moyashi are you going to pull this crap for the rest of the fucking mission?" Kanda asked once again trying to lead the boy into telling him something – anything – and yet Kanda had no idea why he was trying so hard.

"Damn it Kanda can't you just leave it alone?" Allen asked once again his features set in a scowl that didn't quite fit the pale infantile face.

"Can't you answer a simple question?" Kanda retorted, almost regretting it when Allen stalked to the door looking utterly fed up. "Where the hell are you going? I'm not going to come get you if you get lost again."

"Fine by me," Allen said tone clearly displaying the boy's frustration.

Kanda watched as Allen closed the door and was gone. The silence in the room was suddenly too much and his thoughts were filled with images of Allen – his smile and his scowl.

xXx

It had been several hours since Allen had gone and it was about time for dinner. Kanda had expected Allen to come back in time to go to the dining deck but he didn't show up in the room and when Kanda had gone up to the deck Allen hadn't been there. Kanda waited around eating slowly during the dinner hours, thinking that for sure Allen would turn up before the kitchens closed but the boy never came.

After everyone had gone and the workers were cleaning up Kanda stood and left in search of Allen. Cursing to himself he searched the ship but found no trace of Allen. Just when Kanda was about to head back to his cabin he caught sight of the golden golem flying around the mast.

'Baka Moyashi had to go to the highest place on the ship,' Kanda thought as he headed to the base of the mast. Sure enough as he looked up he caught sight of Allen sitting on the cross section of the mast white hair tousled, silver eyes staring at the dark night sky with something akin to yearning and his body bathed in the pale moonlight. To say the least Allen looked breathtaking, a surreal atmosphere hung around him.

"Oi Moyashi you missed dinner!" Kanda called. Allen turned his glassy gaze down to Kanda and cocked his head to the side looking much too adorable and vulnerable for his own good. 'I can understand why someone would want to rape him,' Kanda thought absently before cursing himself for such thoughts.

"I'm not hungry," Allen called back his gaze lingering on Kanda before returning to the sky above him.

"What the hell do you mean you're not hungry? You have parasitic innocence!" Kanda yelled angrily, was the boy sulking?

"You said you wouldn't come looking for me," Allen said ignoring Kanda's previous question, "I was hoping you meant that." It was a lie, Allen was actually really happy Kanda had cared enough to come looking for him, but he wasn't going to show it – why would he when he wanted nothing more to do with the samurai who wasn't letting up on the mission topic and Allen's ultimate shame.

"You don't mean that. You're just bitter because I didn't find you in time to take you to dinner," Kanda called up in a teasing manner.

"I'm not going back to the room with you," Allen said.

"Why? Is the lack of stars so captivating?" Kanda asked.

"There were stars, you just scared them away," Allen said dully. Though he'd said it to Kanda he'd been thinking about himself when he said it – he was just so tainted that he couldn't even be allowed the comfort of basking under the stars.

Kanda was confused by the light tone with which Allen had addressed him. It seemed so childish a statement but then again Allen still was just a child of fifteen. Allen acted so mature – though naïve – that Kanda often forgot that the boy was a full three years younger than him. Only fifteen and he'd already been cursed, enlisted into a war with no clear end in sight and had been raped.

Kanda began climbing the mast until he was next to Allen, the boy turned to look at him in silence. Kanda sat on the beam and met Allen's gaze. The silence was deafening but somewhat comfortable.

"I'll come back if you stop asking," Allen said face void of emotion.

"At least tell me why you couldn't protect yourself," Kanda said. Allen's eyes shone with pain, an emotion that seemed to cling to Allen – what was that saying? Misery loves company – Allen didn't go anywhere without the dreaded emotion and he was drowning in it.

"I was drugged," Allen answered finally, and before Kanda could say anything Allen had jumped onto a rope hanging a few meters from the mast and flipped upside down his leg wound in it as he slid down it's length to the deck where he flipped right side up again – something lingering from his time at the circus.

Kanda thought for a moment about what Allen had said and filed it away for later as he felt a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. Kanda climbed down the mast and walked over to Allen who'd been waiting patiently.

"You are a pain in the ass," Kanda said, but it wasn't his normal harsh and condescending tone.

"I know," Allen grinned as he followed Kanda back to their shared room.

xXx

The days on the ship passed by quickly and Allen and Kanda had returned to their normal routine of bickering and insults. Allen felt comfortable around Kanda though he still kept his distance and Kanda had grown to almost enjoy Allen's company – feeling rather lost when the boy wasn't close by.

Kanda had also spent ample hours puzzling over the information he had trying to piece together a theory about what happened on Allen's previous mission but he could come up with nothing he was satisfied with – after all he didn't have sufficient information. All Kanda knew was that Allen had been drugged then raped and that the finder had died.

The thought that the finder was the perpetrator had crossed Kanda's mind but he ruled it out, thinking it far too unlikely – even though it would make Allen's disinterest in the man's death make sense.

A bright smile was on Allen's face as he hopped off the ship onto dock. Looking around and taking in everything surrounding them Kanda couldn't help but smirk at Allen's carefree attitude. He couldn't tell if the boy was faking it half the time but he guessed that Allen really was interested in the area.

By the time they settled into the inn it was dark outside. Kanda came out of the bathroom to see Allen looking out the window. 'He likes to look at the sky,' Kanda thought noticing the same kind of trend in Allen's behavior.

"We'll start looking for the innocence tomorrow," Kanda said to which Allen nodded without looking at him.

"Kanda," Allen said 'Is everything I do for nothing?' his thoughts spiraled in a dizzying fashion.

"What?" Kanda asked. 'I can't ask that,' Allen thought shaking his head.

"Never mind," Allen said tilting his head so that his white locks shaded his eyes. Kanda knew something was on Allen's mind but he didn't want to press and then end up scaring the boy away – he'd gotten sick of having to look for Allen when he upped and disappeared.

"Get some rest," Kanda said. "You haven't been sleeping well have you?" Allen ginned sheepishly.

"Sorry have I been bothering you?" Allen asked, knowing full well that he had nightmares and would often wake up flushed and panicked.

"No it's not that," Kanda said choosing his words carefully. It was unnerving the first couple of times that he'd woken up to see Allen so distressed but Allen had assured him he was fine. Normally Allen had nightmares, reliving his memories and the like but only when he was particularly bothered did he wake up in a cold sweat. Recently Allen had been waking up more often and had even prolonged the hours before sleeping for fear of what his subconscious would show him.

"I'm concerned, the look on your face is always so lost and afraid," Kanda said.

"Don't be," Allen said quickly as his silver eyes clouded over. 'Don't be concerned for someone like me,' Allen thought as his self-loathing burned in his gut, 'I'm just not worth it.'

"Go to sleep," Kanda said noting the somber attitude that had befallen the younger exorcist. Nodding Allen took one last lingering glance out the window before crawling into bed. Kanda took his place in the bed on the opposite side of the room.

xXx

"A fortune teller?" Allen asked the man at the shop.

He and Kanda had been searching for clues on anywhere the innocence might me all day and have drawn up next to nothing. Either people didn't want to talk about it or they just didn't know. Having gotten hungry Allen convinced Kanda to take a break to eat. The old man who ran the place seemed to be the only one there but Allen thought it smelled nice so he'd gone in.

The old man made conversation with Allen while he served their food and it just so happened that he knew of some strange occurrences that had happened back a couple of weeks. It turns out there had been a Romani woman living in Goa for about a year she would travel around from city to city telling people's fortunes and the like. Her predictions were always accurate and it frightened several of the villagers.

"Yes, even with her eccentricities she was quite the beauty. It's a shame she went back to Italy; some people thought she was a devil because of her abilities," the old man said.

"When did she go back to Italy?" Allen asked intrigued by the whole story.

"Not too long, it was a little over a week ago. She'd passed back through this little port town, left some people rather spooked too," the old man said.

"How so?" Allen asked.

"Well the day she left a bunch of the villagers here went mad; they attacked her, talking about strange things and wailing a horrid sound. Many of the villagers died and others pursued her. It was probably the most excitement we've ever had in this small town, thought it was rather frightening," the old man said.

Allen looked to Kanda who seemed to be thinking along the same lines as he was. The gypsy woman was an accommodator and her innocence attracted the akuma who'd posed as villagers.

"What was her name?" Allen asked.

"Nadya," the old man replied.

"Hope," Allen whispered. 'How ironic,' the white haired boy mused as he stood.

"What was that?" the old man asked having not quite heard what Allen had said.

"Nothing," Allen said smiling, "thank you for your time." The two exorcists left the small shop, full of food and information.

"What did you mean by hope?" Kanda asked as they walked.

"Hmm?" Allen questioned.

"When the old man said the gypsy's name, you said hope," Kanda clarified.

"Oh, that was nothing; it's just that Nadya is the Romani form of the Russian Nadezhda, meaning hope," Allen said. "I just thought it was ironic that her name means hope when she tells people their future which usually eliminates such things as hope."

'That's got to be one of the most cynical things I've ever heard,' Kanda thought dully but nodding in acknowledgement.

"When we get back to the inn we'll call Komui and tell him about the Gypsy, we'll probably end up going to Italy," Kanda said.

The rest of the walk back to the inn was rather silent. Allen's gaze was set on the sky the whole time; Kanda would glance at him every so often to make sure the boy wouldn't trip or crash into something. 'When did I start looking out for him like this?' Kanda wondered, mentally laughing at his stupidity.

They had almost reached the inn when Allen stopped dead in his tracks.

"Oi Moyashi hurry up or I'll leave you behind," Kanda said before looking back. Allen's posture had gone rigid and the rising fear in his eyes was enough to set Kanda on high alert – something was wrong.

"Hello Allen Walker," a rich, sultry voice floated down from the dark figure standing atop the roof of the inn they had been staying in.

"Tyki Mikk," Allen's voice was low and shaky.

"It's been too long Allen," Tyki said as he hopped down landing gracefully a few feet away from Allen.

'A Noah,' Kanda thought, 'why would Allen be so scared of a Noah, sure they're no Akuma but they're still just things to fight and defeat.'

"You look just as beautiful as the last time I saw you," Tyki said grinning.

'When had Allen met this man before,' Kanda wondered as he watched the interaction – he'd would have attacked by now if he'd been in his right mind but he was curious.

"Your little boyfriend looks a bit curious Allen, didn't you tell him about us?" Tyki asked sauntering closer only for Allen to retreat back two steps for every step Tyki took forward.

"Hmmm don't run away love," Tyki said grinning as he cast a glance in Kanda's direction. "I'm sure we can work it with the three of us."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Kanda asked finally breaking his silence, a scowl present on his face.

"Oh you haven't had him yet? What a shame he's got beautiful screams," Tyki said his golden eyes boring into Allen's silver ones, only for the younger boy to look down in shame.

Kanda's eyes widened in understanding, this Noah before him had raped Allen. His face contorted in rage at the smug expression on the Portuguese man's face.

"Allen love, looks like your boyfriend's angry – looks to kill in those eyes there. Maybe if you'd spread your legs for him he wouldn't be so stuck up," Tyki said.

"Shut the fuck up!" Kanda yelled unsheathing Mugen.

"Why? Didn't you want to know what happened on Allen's last mission? You've been asking about it so much I thought I should be a help and tell you," Tyki said, "how the finder drugged him for me, how he cried and screamed…how he bled and pleaded for me to stop..."

"Innocence activate," Kanda had snapped, he charged at Tyki, the man simply stepped out of the way, dodging and flipping and then he caught the blade.

"You my dear are being much too hostile, I wasn't going to steal him away, though if you don't want him I'll gladly take him off your hands," Tyki said.

"You aren't taking him anywhere," Kanda growled.

"This guy is serious Allen; you really should spread 'em for him," Tyki said returning his attention to the shaking Allen.

"Stop talking to him like that," Kanda said.

"You want him don't you?" Tyki said smiling at Kanda's furious expression and feeling the strength of the Japanese man's killing intent. "You want to feel him like I did, that lithe body writing beneath you, begging, pleading, screaming. And the beautiful tears that stream down that delicate face of his."

Kanda couldn't deny he'd begun to have feelings for Allen, but there was no way he wanted what the lunatic in front of him described. It was no wonder Allen was so antsy and messed up now; the man who'd raped him was in every way a psychotic, sadistic, pervert with a Boy-Lolita complex.

Tyki punched Kanda, sending him skidding back. In those brief moments Tyki had pinned Allen against the wall of the inn, a hand phased through into Allen's chest cupping the boys' heart in his gloved hand.

"Make one move Yuu Kanda and your pretty little lover here dies," Tyki said shooting a smirk Kanda's way before leaning forward and licking the tears that rolled down Allen's cheeks as his face contorted in pain.

"You are utterly the most erotic thing I've ever had the _pleasure_ to do," Tyki said feeling Allen's heart rate increase. "Scream for me," the command was soft but far from gentle. Tyki squeezed Allen's heart provoking the desired sound from the boy as a cry of pain tore through him. Head bent forwards, white locks damp from sweat and tears and blood trickling from the corners of Allen's mouth.

Leaning forward Tyki pressed his lips to Allen's lapping up the blood. "How about it kid, want to give it another go?" Tyki's voice was filled with mocking. Releasing Allen's heart and jumping back out of the way just as Allen's innocence activated and almost took of his head.

"You, Allen Walker, are a sin against God," Tyki said smirking at the look on Allen's face. "But your screams drove me crazy. I'd fuck you any day."

On that note the Noah of pleasure disappeared. The street was dead silent save for Allen's sobs as he allowed his knees to buckle, sliding to the ground. Kanda sheathed Mugen and walked to Allen's side; without a word he lifted Allen's trembling body into his arms. Kanda took Allen up to their room and sat him on the bed.

"Allen," Kanda said, "forget about everything that bastard said." Kanda's tone was gentle and comforting, a soothing sound to Allen's ears.

"He's not wrong," Allen said his voice cracking with the tears that refused to stop. "Everything I am is a sin against God...some exorcist." Allen's tone was bitter and sorrowful and Kanda's heart ached for the boy.

"You're the most selfless albeit naïve person I know – there's no way a person like that is a sin against God," Kanda said. "Now get some sleep, well call Komui in the morning."

'You don't know me Kanda, I'm far from selfless,' Allen thought feeling the familiar tug of self loathing, 'I'm God's biggest mistake.'

xXx

"Allen!" Kanda called trying to rouse the younger boy. It was four o'clock in the morning when Kanda was awoken by muffled sobs. Tears were streaming down Allen's cheeks and soft whimpers broke from pale lips. 'God he's beautiful,' Kanda thought mentally kicking himself for thinking that when the boy was so distressed.

"Allen! Wake the hell up!" Kanda called shaking Allen gently.

"Don't touch me!" Allen yelled as he shot up eyes wide and body trembling.

"Allen calm down, it's just me," Kanda said drawing Allen's dilated eyes to him.

"Kanda," Allen's voice was weary and his body was tense under his touch. Kanda pulled his hands back but didn't move.

"Yeah it's me," Kanda said reassuringly. Allen's vision cleared and he nodded but his body wouldn't stop shaking. Kanda didn't know what to do, Allen was so damn fragile it scared him – he wanted to hold him but Allen would just push him away, especially after all the shit that had been said between him and Tyki the night before.

"God," Allen said wiping at the tears with his sleeves; he was laughing. "I'm so damn dysfunctional." Kanda didn't say anything, just stared at the boy who was laughing nervously.

"I'm sorry Kanda," Allen said softly. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"You think I care about that?" Kanda said incredulously. "Damn it Allen I'm worried about _you_!" Allen seemed shocked that Kanda was being so emotive for him.

'This is so wrong,' Allen thought feeling his skin crawl with disgust, 'why am I feeling this way?'

"Kanda can I ask you a favor?" Allen asked, his silver eyes anxious and still fearful. 'I shouldn't be asking this' Allen thought.

"What?" Kanda asked. 'God I'm going to regret this,' Allen thought.

"Can you hold me?" Allen asked softly his voice shaking like his body. "You can pretend it never happened tomorrow a –" Allen was cut of as Kanda pulled Allen into his arms. Allen was startled to say the least; he thought for sure Kanda would deny him.

Allen felt safe in Kanda's arms and he slowly stopped trembling. He fisted his hands in Kanda's shirt burying his face in the older male's chest as the tears stopped coming.

xXx

Sunlight streamed in through the window illuminating the occupants of the room. Allen curled into the warmth that surrounded him but tensed when he felt his pillow move, his silver eyes opened to meet Kanda's cobalt blue ones. A blush painted Allen's cheeks as the events of the night before came rushing back to him.

At some point during the night Kanda had laid down with Allen and the two had fallen asleep.

'I can't believe he let me hold him like that,' Kanda thought, 'I can't believe I enjoyed it – damn that Noah's been fucking with my head.'

Kanda wasn't sure what made Allen want that from him the night before when he had been so adamant at keeping his distance but he didn't need to be told twice; especially not when it was something he _wanted_ to do. The only thing Kanda was worried about now was if Allen was going to pull a 180 on him and get all defensive.

"Good morning Kanda," Allen said trying to cool the blush from his cheeks.

"Morning," Kanda acknowledged waiting to see how Allen would react.

"T-thanks for last night," Allen said breaking eye contact and ending up staring at Kanda's chest.

"Are you feeling alright?" Kanda asked to which Allen nodded. "Good, we'll call Komui about the innocence after breakfast." Kanda slid out of the bed and stretched. Looking back at Allen he offered a hand and pulled Allen up with him. He gave the boy a quick hug before heading into the bathroom.

Allen's face flushed scarlet as he stared at the closed bathroom door. Kanda had hugged him. 'Shit I've tainted him, I don't…I wasn't going to…damn it,' Allen cursed himself for his selfishness – he was so scared and he had admired Kanda for so long – he didn't think.

xXx

Breakfast had past with the two eating in silence. Allen berating himself for his selfishness and adding a whole new layer to his self-loathing and Kanda thinking over everything Tyki had said. He didn't want to find out like that but now he knew what had happened, or at least had sufficient information to develop a theory.

The finder had drugged Allen under the Noah's order and was probably killed after his usefulness had run out. Allen was raped and the Noah had left. The only remaining question was: where had Lavi been when all this had happened?

After breakfast the two returned to their room and called Komui through Allen's golem. As Kanda stared at the golden golem he came to a realization that if the thing had been with Allen as it usually was then chances were it saw everything that happened and could affirm his suspicions and maybe fill in the blanks.

"The innocence moved?" Komui asked to which he received an affirmative nod from Allen. "Well looks like you two will be going to Italy. I'll arrange for you to leave on the next train, you'll stop off in Turkey where Miranda and Krory will meet you and then you'll take a boat to Italy while they'll continue to Spain."

"If the gypsy woman is an accommodator for the innocence?" Kanda asked.

"Then bring her back with you," Komui said. "Allen, how are you doing?" the change of the conversation struck a chord in Allen as he smiled.

"I'm fine," Allen's voice didn't waver but it was clearly a lie.

"Well keep up the good work you two and try not to kill each other," Komui said laughing while trying to lighten the mood.

The conversation was terminated and the two collected their belongings and headed for the train station where a finder was waiting with their train tickets and a message for Kanda.

'Don't try anything funny my ass!' Kanda thought in annoyance, 'what the hell did Komui think was going to happen?'

xXx

The first hour on the train passed in silence. Kanda had simply been observing the troubled look in Allen's eyes as the younger boy gazed out the window at the mid-day sky.

"Where was Lavi?" Kanda asked, unable to hold in the question any longer.

"The finder had told him there was something troubling that he thought Lavi should check out…Lavi had gone without question; he told me he'd be right back. The finder brought me a cup of tea and then I got really disoriented. Next thing I knew Tyki was…" Allen trailed off and fell into silence again.

"What that Noah said last night-" Kanda was cut off when Allen stiffened in his seat.

"Tyki said a lot of things I'd rather not talk about," Allen said softly.

"You may not want to talk but that guy really messed with your head. We have a couple days before we reach Turkey and during that time I expect you to talk to me," Kanda said. "It doesn't have to be now."

"Why?" Allen asked.

"You're my partner and I want to protect you," Kanda said simply, noting the light pink that tinted Allen's cheeks. 'Protect me he says,' Allen thought, 'hasn't he realized that I'm not worth the trouble.'

"I'll be fine on my own – I don't need anyone to protect me," Allen said.

'I don't know who my real parents are or why I was left alone. I was an orphan before Mana, living alone in the streets with no idea of what family meant or why people hated me so much. Even though Mana took me with him he…I killed him and I was alone again. Cross was there but it wasn't anything more than a business relationship and I was essentially alone. All this time I've had to take care of myself because nothing lasts. Happiness is an illusion that does nothing but cause pain. If I were to suddenly need protection I'd surely die,' Allen thought.

"You don't have to put up a strong front around me," Kanda said wiping away a few tears that had streaked down Allen's cheeks – he hadn't even realized he'd started crying. Allen unconsciously leaned into the touch, before catching himself and pulling back the blush deepening.

Kanda looked at Allen for a moment – troubled and conflicted, the poor boy was berating himself for everything that had happened – moving to sit next to the white haired boy Kanda pulled Allen down so that his head was resting in his lap.

"K-k-kanda," Allen stuttered in surprise.

"Close your eyes," Kanda commanded, Allen hesitantly complied, "sleep." The order had been soft and Allen was more than shocked that Kanda could cause his heart to race while at the same time providing the most comfortable and safest atmosphere he'd ever felt. Kanda stroked his fingers through Allen's white hair – it was soft – his other hand that had been resting on the seat had been captured by Allen's small pale one. Allen would tighten his hold every so often as though reassuring himself that Kanda was still there and that he wasn't dreaming.

'You want him don't you?' Tyki's voice replayed in Kanda's mind, 'to feel his lithe body writhing beneath you.' Kanda cursed as he damned the Noah for having said something like that. Kanda did want Allen, he wanted to hold him and protect him and love him – things that he'd never desired for anyone before.

Tyki had spoiled Kanda's intentions. Despite the feelings Kanda had, he felt as though Allen wouldn't understand, that he'd somehow think it was just as the Noah had said, that Kanda wanted him in that perverted, sadistic way. It made Kanda sick to think of it but the perverted thoughts wouldn't stop circulating – like a virus images of how Kanda perceived the rape filled his head. In spite of the foul nature of his thoughts Kanda couldn't help but feel blood rushing to his nether regions.

'Shit!' Kanda cursed as he forced himself to think about anything but Allen and the Noah of pleasure. It truly sickened him that he was getting all worked up with _those_ images in mind.

xXx

Allen woke, for the first time in weeks not having had nightmares, having seen only Kanda in his thoughts.

"Sleep well?" Kanda asked sparing a glance at Allen. The white haired boy nodded a genuine smile upon his face which made Kanda's control waver a little more. Sitting up Allen yawned as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

Timcanpy fluttered about Allen making the boy smile. The golden golem had been curled atop Allen the whole time the boy was asleep and he'd bared his rather sharp teeth at Kanda in a menacing way – a warning for the older exorcist to not try anything with its master. Kanda had cocked a brow at the antics of the Allen's golem but ended up glaring at the golden ball of metal.

Kanda had debated over pulling up the last mission from Timcanpy while Allen had been asleep. He knew it was wrong but he had this wild theory that if he saw what had happened, his thoughts wouldn't be running rampant with images of Allen's beautiful face contorted in pain as the Noah ravaged him.

Now all that was left to do was get the golem alone for a while and force it to show him.

xXx

"Show me what happened on the last mission when Allen was raped," Kanda told the tiny golem which bared its sharp teeth at him.

Allen had gone to eat lunch Kanda had politely declined – well as polite as in he said that Allen was around too much and he wanted some time alone. Smiling Allen had left feeling as though he'd really been smothering Kanda with all of his problems so he thought he'd spend a little extra time out of their room to give the elder man his space.

"Hurry up, this is important," Kanda growled at the golem. Tim flew around Kanda before settling itself in front of him and began projecting the requested image.

xXx

"Stay away from me," Allen warned his silver eyes shimmering in fear and defiance as he invoked ready to slash at Tyki. Grabbing the anti-akuma weapon Tyki squeezed hard forcibly returning the arm to normal. With a tug Tyki managed to set the smaller boy off balance, pulling him in close and twisting the deformed arm up behind the exorcists back.

"You want to be rid of me so soon?" The voice was deep, mocking, pretending to be hurt, as if Allen's opinion genuinely mattered to him. "I promise you'll enjoy it."

"This isn't happening," Allen repeated to himself, squeezing his eyes tightly shut as tears streaked down his pale cheeks.

"You keep saying that," the sultry voice slid over his nerves like rough silk, practically purring in his ear. Allen tried to suppress a shiver as fingers trailed delicately over the side of his neck, but his body betrayed him. "You keep saying that, but you know it is happening and there's nothing you can do about it?"

Inhuman eyes glittered at him in the dim light. Just light enough for him to be able to see his tormentor.

"Let me go!" Allen pleaded through teary eyes.

"Now why would I do that?" Tyki replied cheerfully. "You look so damn fuckable all flushed and teary like that? Are you trying to get a rise out of me?"

With a yell Allen thrashed about trying to get the Noah off of him if only long enough to invoke. If he fought enough maybe the Portuguese man would think it too much trouble and just kill him.

Tyki pinned Allen's hands above him a smirk on his face as he licked at the trail of tears on the boy's face.

Allen continued to struggled, but Tyki's larger body was straddling his hips and there was no way up unless the male moved and the struggling only caused their growing hardness to brush against each other more firmly.

"You were a better fighter last time I saw you," Tyki murmured into Allen's ear, breath warm against Allen's skin causing him to shiver. "Maybe you don't really want to get away?"

"In your dreams," Allen shuddered. 'Damn it I can at least hold my own why the hell can't I even get him off of me?' Allen thought in dismay as the reality of the situation began to sink in.

"Because you want to be overpowered," Tyki whispered as if having read Allen's mind, "and I had your finder drug you – makes me seem all the more strong and fast, so you could struggle all you wanted without breaking free. I thought you'd be the kind who liked to struggle. You are, aren't you? It makes you feel better, like you're not giving in."

"I won't let you do this to me!" Allen yelled, furious at his weakness. He renewed his attempts to break free, fighting for all he was worth.

"You think you can stop me?" Tyki laughed and pressed closer against the younger boy's body feeling the hardness that was growing between Allen's legs. "You want this. You're a sick perverted little boy who's getting off on being raped."

Allen's reply came out as a wordless cry of denial.

"You want this," Tyki breathed out, nipping hard at the crook of Allen's neck. His sharp teeth didn't quite draw blood, but it was definitely a painful sensation.

"I don't," Allen retorted, bucking to try to throw the bastard off him. He cried out as the movement pressed Tyki's hardened cock against his own erection and the cry didn't carry as much of a protest as he would have liked it to.

"Then stop me," Tyki invited him, a knowing grin on his face. Tyki shifted his grip so that one was holding both of Allen's wrists above his head while the other was free to roam Allen's body. Tyki slid that hand down Allen's side and up under his shirt, pinching and rubbing at one rapidly stiffening nipple. "Throw me off with that amazing exorcist strength. Show me the power of your innocence – better yet, let your God save you."

"God please no," Allen moaned, cursing his body for betraying him, reacting to the Portuguese man's touch. His traitorous cock was hardening, his body aching with reluctant desire.

"That's right," Tyki said, pinching harder and running his tongue along Allen's neck, "ask your God for help and I'll stop when he answers."

"I like it that you're fighting, it'll make it all the more fun when I take you. So struggle my sweet exorcist."

Thrashing desperately now that Tyki had set about removing their clothes Allen lashed out at the words even though his actions only served to prove the bastard right. He could feel Tyki getting even harder against him, and his own erection was pressing painfully into the front of his pants.

"Why?" Allen choked out, helpless and hating it. He was already so defiled what would come of him if this were to continue – he'd be utterly ruined.

"A better question to ask might be where is the God I fight for every day and why is he letting this happen to me," Tyki mocked as he tossed Allen's shirt aside and began working on his pants. "I certainly don't mind him not intervening but it seems a shame that he'd leave his devoted warrior to a fate such as this. I've longed to take you from the first moment I saw you. Beautiful" he concluded in a whisper.

Laughing, Tyki slid his hand into Allen's pants stroking the boy's erection. "Fight me," he encouraged again. "Fight me with everything you have. It only makes you all the more worth having."

Allen turned his head to the side resigned to his fate as a wave of disgust flowed through him at how his body betrayed him. Allen could feel the effects of the drugs draining him of his energy and making his thoughts fuzzy. Noticing how the boy slowly placated Tyki stripped off the pants and licked his lips seductively. Still pinned to the ground Allen could do nothing but moan another protest when Tyki forced his legs between Allen's and started nudging them apart.

The thought of having Tyki's cock in his ass made Allen sick to his stomach but with the way things were going he knew his traitorous body would eventually give way despite his best efforts to continue fighting. Even now Allen was panting and writhing as he was stroked, tiny moans escaping him as he begged and pleaded to be released – the tears refused to stop.

"That's it," Tyki encouraged, rubbing up against him before undoing his own pants and letting his length free from its confines. Tyki gave Allen's cock a little squeeze and the boy let out a moan. "Mmm, I love the noises you make. Scream some more for me."

_No_, Allen tried to say again, but all that came out was a whimper. Tyki grinned at the flush on Allen's virginal face as he plunged two fingers into his ass, stroking roughly so he'd get that desired sound – the scream that tore through Allen was one of immense agony. It hurt like hell but even so it made him all the more hard. As Tyki proceeded to fuck Allen with his fingers Allen felt himself ripping, the sick pleasure, crawling through his veins with every stroke of those damnable fingers.

Allen restrained himself from the urge to press back onto his tormentor's fingers but whimpered when the sudden thrust and change of angle made Tyki's fingers press against his prostate. Allen's vision went blank with a sickening pleasure for a moment before the pain settled back in.

"There you are love I knew you had it in you," the Noah grinned, and Allen could see the glitter of victory in his eyes. He knew the boy no longer had neither the will nor the energy to fight him as he pressed against the boy's prostate and made him shudder with overwhelming pleasure.

"You want it," Tyki asserted once more, leaning even closer. Allen was trembling now, breath coming in harsh pants and he couldn't have moved to save his life. "You know you want it, beg me for it."

Tyki stilled his hand, leaving the fingers in Allen's ass. Writhing at the loss of sensation, Allen choked in his effort to stifle the pleading words that sprang to his lips.

"Say it," Tyki coaxed. "Say it Allen. Beg for it. I won't give it to you until you do – and I'm perfectly happy to go on all night. Maybe if your friend gets back early I can kill him in front of you, that may be just the thing to turn you on" his voice dropped half an octave and took on a husky quality that seemed almost to boil Allen's blood in his veins.

"Damn you," Allen whimpered brokenly. "You bastard I won't... I won't..."

But he would. They both knew he would, because he was at his limit. Drawing it out only extended the torment, delayed the inevitable.

Allen screamed hoarsely again as Tyki withdrew the fingers from inside him and pulled away entirely. Now Allen was empty and a totally erotic sight with blood trickling down his thighs. Tyki had released his hands too If he wanted to he could invoke and take the bastards head clean off. He would, if he could just find the energy and the will to move.

"Say it," Tyki's voice sultry like velvet, a physical caress. Surely _he_ should have been the Lust of Noah, with a voice like that.

"Please," Allen said, barely audible. Burning with a sickening desire and humiliation, he forced himself to raise his voice. "Please Tyki. Just fuck me already!" Allen's tears increased as they flowed down his cheeks in streams of humiliated agony.

"Only since you asked so nicely," Tyki replied wryly. Suddenly the heavy body was draped over his again, "say it again."

Allen shook his head. 'No…no…no…God I hope I die,' the thoughts were running rampant in his head.

Laughing, Tyki stroked him, starting at the nape of his neck and running his hand all the way down to rub at his ass.

Pain again, pain and pleasure so mixed together he couldn't even tell them apart any more as Noah suddenly shifted and pressed into him. His cock was hard, so hard and large Allen thought he'd rip in two. With that one movement Tyki had buried himself up to the hilt in Allen's ass and the boy let out a blood curdling scream of absolute anguish.

"That's it Allen love, scream for me," Tyki murmured in his ear with another sensuous little chuckle as he pounded into Allen repeatedly not giving the boy any time to adjust to the intrusions.

"Does it hurt that much," Tyki was laughing again, moving his hips in tiny little circles that made Allen moan and arch back against him, trying to get more. It was enough stimulation to make him crave the rest of it, but not enough to bring him anywhere near completion.

"Ghaa!" Allen cried, bucking his hips. "Just do it already!"

"Not yet. You're an impatient little whore aren't you?" Tyki said his breathing speeding up as well as he matched Allen's bucking movements to keep the boy from being able to thrust against him. "Not until you admit how much you want it."

Moaning, Allen rolled his head to the side as he panted. His cock was throbbing, his whole body on fire. He couldn't take much more of this. Tears of frustration and need leaked from his eyes, and he shuddered as Tyki loosely fisted his cock.

"I want it," Allen admitted brokenly, "God damn it – please."

"Good boy," Tyki purred, the lust in his tone clear in his voice. Allen screamed as the Portuguese man rewarded him by pulling out and thrusting back in hard. There was no more fighting now, just the struggle for sanity as he rode the rising waves of pleasure. Tyki was merciless in this as in all things, though he made sure to wring every last bit of sensation out of Allen.

"Allen," Tyki hissed, hands clenching hard enough to bruise on Allen's hips.

Hardly even aware of what was going on all Allen could focus on was the building pleasure within him, the promised ecstasy hovering just past the pain and degradation.

Shifting, Tyki changed his angle, snapping his hips forward in a way that thrust him over Allen's prostate again and again. Each new thrust now brought an increasingly loud cry from the younger man, his fists clenching in Tyki's shirt as every muscle in his body strained against the pleasure.

"Now," Tyki ordered his voice implacable, "now, damn it. Come for me!"

Sobbing in shame and pleasure, Allen obeyed helplessly. His whole body shuddered as the pleasure coalesced into a pinpoint within him, and then swept over him in a torrent of sinful bliss as he rode out his orgasm.

Tyki pushed down harshly into Allen to keep from sliding out of the spent boy whose body was still shuddering with aftershocks as every breath rubbed his too-sensitive cock against the older male. Tyki was still thrusting into him, but the thrusts had become unsteady, the rhythm breaking up as the Noah of pleasure neared completion.

Finally with a last desperate thrust of his hips Tyki went still, and Allen could feel his seed pulsing into his body – a repulsive sensation. Now would have been the ideal time to strike, when the bastard was vulnerable and weak with satiation, but in truth Allen couldn't seem to summon the energy to move.

"You know you are just too perfect," Tyki panted as he rolled over, pulling Allen to lie against him. "I'd be damned if you weren't a creation of God himself."

"Maybe if your God wasn't so jealous of you he'd have saved you all this torture," Tyki chuckled, "but I'm glad he has abandoned you – it'll make it all the more easy next time."

The thought had occurred to Allen more than once. He wasn't honestly sure if there was a God – if there was, should things like this continue to happen?

"Sleep well Allen Walker, until the next time we meet," Tyki said as he stood up and fixed himself, "you've given me a good time." The Noah licked his lips and stroked Allen's tear streaked face once more before disappearing through the door leaving Allen flushed and shamed on the floor, semen and blood trailing down his bruised thighs, a look of bitter resignation on his delicate infantile features.

xXx

Kanda's eyes were wide in shock even as the projection came to an end. The feelings that had stirred within him had built during the scene. With a dark flush on his face and an immensely hard cock, straining in his pants Kanda grabbed the golden golem and glared at it.

"You leave now, and Allen doesn't see a projection of me watching this," Kanda growled as he tossed the golden golem out of the compartment. 'That shouldn't have gotten me hard like this,' Kanda thought sickened with his body's reaction to watching Allen's rape. 'His face was so pretty all flushed and shit what the fuck am I thinking?' Kanda hit himself for the sinful feelings that had over taken him.

"But damn it he looked fucking sexy," Kanda said in exasperation.

It was at this moment that Allen walked in a puzzled look on his face and Tim fluttering about baring his teeth at Kanda.

"Shit," Kanda said – there was nothing he could come up with to explain what he'd just said or the bulge in his pants. "You stupid little…I'm going to slice you into unrecognizable pieces!" Kanda yelled angrily drawing Mugen and attacking Tim only for the golden golem to fly into Allen's shirt.

Kanda stood fuming for a moment before turning his back to the younger exorcist. He was damn tempted to rip Allen's shirt off to dismember the golden golem and get a good look at Allen while he was at it but once again he scolded himself for such thoughts and waited for what Allen would say about the state in which he'd been found.

"Timcanpy apologize to Kanda now," Allen scolded as the golem crawled out of Allen's shirt and onto his head. Tim bared its teeth before seeming to pout and fluttered around Kanda's head in what the older male could only assume to be an apology.

"I'm sorry I'll come back later," Allen said turning to leave not wanting to think about what Kanda had been doing before Tim had brought him.

"Allen wait," Kanda said. The boy paused but didn't turn around.

"It's not what you think," Kanda said sounding rather stupid in his haste at trying to reassure the boy of his non-perverted intentions. If Allen thought Kanda wanted him then the chances of the calm atmosphere he'd settled into with Allen and the privileged touches he'd been allowed were not likely to continue.

"Kanda you don't have to explain yourself to me. Timcanpy was being fussy is all," Allen said.

"Look at me," Kanda said to which Allen turned, his silver eyes settling upon Kanda's cobalt ones and not straying from there. "What did that thing show you?"

"Tim said you needed help with something," Allen said blushing at the implication in those words. 'I bet it has something to do with master – booze and sex,' Allen thought.

"Help with something," Kanda repeated blankly before shooting the grinning golem a glare. "Allen I –"

"I figured Tim was just leading me on but did you need something?" Allen asked his blush darkening as he struggled to keep his eyes on Kanda's instead of straying to the pronounced bulge in the older male's pants.

'That look again – damn that Noah for being right – Allen's just too damn erotic for his own good,' Kanda thought noting the blush on the white haired boy's cheeks.

"Ah to hell with it," Kanda said grabbing Allen and pulling him forward into a kiss, soft yet needy. When Kanda pulled back he looked at the even darker blush that lit Allen from ear to ear.

"K-k-kanda," Allen stuttered. 'What was that? Kanda just…this isn't right…I'm hallucinating is all…yeah hallucinating,' Allen thought as his mind had spiraled into disarray. After having gauged Allen's reaction Kanda took the chance to pull him in again. Pressing his lips to Allen's Kanda ran his tongue over Allen's bottom lip seductively. Allen let out a small gasp in surprise and Kanda took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, slipping his tongue into Allen's mouth, drinking in the sweet milky taste that was Allen.

When Kanda pulled back the second time he felt Allen go weak against him and slid his hands around the boy's waist to support him as he looked down into glassy eyes drunken on passion that held more emotion than simple lust.

"This isn't right," Allen whispered softly. Of course, Allen had been raped but he was still innocent and Kanda felt stupid for making a move on him like that. "You deserve so much better than me."

'The hell?' Kanda thought wondering where that came from. Allen hadn't run from him or even pushed him away; on the contrary the boy had gone weak kneed and was speaking nonsense.

"You're perfect Allen," Kanda said to which Allen's expression seemed to sadden.

"I'm far from perfect Kanda. You've hated me right? Because I was so insufferably naïve and always trying to do the impossible you always reprimanded me," Allen said.

"I've never hated you – I hated that you always ran off into situations where you could get yourself killed without a second thought," Kanda said seriously.

"Even if…I'm cursed and there isn't anything I can give you," Allen said softly.

"You're enough Allen, _you_ are more than enough," Kanda said tilting Allen's chin up to kiss him deeply again, this time Allen kissed back.

Kicking the door closed Kanda sat down pulling Allen onto his lap. As Allen straddled Kanda he was pulled forward and a scarlet blush painted his cheeks as Kanda's erection pushed against his hardening member.

Threading his fingers in Allen's soft white locks Kanda pulled Allen in for another kiss – he normally didn't like sweet things but he just couldn't get enough of Allen. Allen's hands were clasped behind Kanda's neck as a means for keeping himself steady on his perch. Kanda shifted his hips slightly and smirked as Allen broke the kiss with a small yelp – every move caused their erections to press against each other in an enticing manner. Trailing his hands down Allen's side before sliding them up under Allen's shirt Kanda made a soft guttural sound as he explored the soft skin, with the trembling toned muscles shifting fluidly under it.

Allen clumsily unbuttoned Kanda's shirt only to pause as Kanda pinched a stiffened nipple. The soft mewl the escaped Allen was a sound that went straight to Kanda's cock and by now he was painfully hard. Resuming his task Allen let Kanda's shirt hang open as he laced his fingers behind Kanda's neck again and began kissing a trail down the older male's neck to his collar bone, occasionally nipping at his skin when he crossed a particularly sensitive area.

Kanda unbuttoned the top few buttons on Allen's shirt and lifted the garment over the younger boy's head tossing it to the floor before mimicking Allen's ministrations and nipping at the pale skin of Allen's neck. Mewling softly as Kanda found his way down to the boy's nipple he sucked gently on one while fondling the other.

"K-kanda," Allen's voice was a bit hazy – much like the state his mind was in.

"Mmm?" Kanda asked as he let his hands fall to Allen's waist and then a little lower.

"I-I'm supposed to help you wi..ahh," Allen yelped as Kanda squeezed his ass, a smirk on his features.

"The sounds you make, just make me so hard," Kanda whispered against Allen's ear causing the boy's already flushed face to darken a shade of red. "Now what were you saying?"

Not saying anything Allen decided to take the initiative and slid off Kanda's lap. Kneeling on the floor Allen nudged Kanda's legs apart a bit and made quick work of undoing the older male's pants.

"What are you…fuck," Kanda groaned as Allen freed Kanda's erection from its confines and enveloped it in his mouth. 'Kanda tastes salty,' Allen thought mentally laughing as he sucked on the warm, throbbing flesh. Kanda's senses were going wild not only was his body in a state of utter bliss but just the sight of Allen, so beautifully flushed, kneeling between his legs and giving him a blow job was enough to make him cum right there. Allen pulled off and tentatively licked up the length of Kanda's cock before letting his tongue flick over the slit at the tip, cleaning it of the pre cum that had begun to leak down the older male's length.

"Nngh Allen," Kanda groaned as the boy followed a pattern of bobbing along the length, the warm cavern sucking gently making Kanda yearn for something warmer and far tighter. Allen broke away, having heard Kanda groan, to look up at him through glassy silver eyes. The sight was far too erotic for Kanda and he was close. Allen licked an agonizingly slow trail from the base of Kanda's cock to the tip before heading the whole thing again. Kanda was close and Allen knew it.

It was at this point in time that Allen had remembered something his master had been complaining about one very drunken night and smirked as he brought one hand up and squeezed the base of Kanda's shaft – if he wasn't mistaken or doing it wrong this would prolong Kanda's orgasm and make it all the more intense and Allen desperately wanted to please Kanda.

"Gha…what are you doin…ngh god," Kanda moaned lolling his head back as he felt the pressure building up within him but with no way out. Allen continued to suck Kanda off as he held the older man at bay.

"Fuck…let me…nnngh…Allen," Kanda was starting to see stars as the pleasure built up in him, he was going dizzy from the sensation. Allen felt rather accomplished for being able to drive Kanda so far out of his senses and flicked his tongue over the slit, sucking on the head of Kanda's member as though trying to milk him of the liquid he was inhibiting the flow of.

"Shit Allen….nnnngh…oh….ghaaa," Kanda felt his mind go blank for a moment as Allen took the length into his mouth again and released his hold on his cock. Not a moment later did the warm liquid eject into Allen's mouth, and a wave of pleasure rippled through every fiber of Kanda's being. Drinking it all up Allen licked at Kanda's member, cleaning it of the white liquid.

"Allen," Kanda moaned the boy's name seductively. Allen looked up licking his lips and erasing the evidence of Kanda's seed. Kanda leaned down pulling Allen into a kiss, tracing his tongue over the boy's bottom lip before he dipped his tongue into Allen's mouth tasting himself all over that milky sweet taste and it just made him get hard again.

Feeling Kanda's member stiffen again Allen let out a soft laugh.

"How'd you manage to get hard so fast? I didn't even get to do anything yet," Allen said smiling, though his own erection was pushing painfully at the front of his slacks.

"Tasting myself in you is just a serious turn on," Kanda mumbled as he captured Allen's lips in another heated kiss which he deepened – getting harder as his senses identified the salty remnants of his semen in Allen's mouth.

Allen let his hand loosely grip Kanda's member and slowly began shafting it drawing Kanda's gaze to his.

"I'll bet you're all hot and bothered now that I've had some release and-" Kanda paused as he pulled Allen up to sit on his lap again as he pressed his palm against the bulge in Allen's pants, "damn you're hard."

Allen felt a cloud of dizzied pleasure seep into his mind as he felt the pressure on his own need. Kanda smiled, pleased with Allen's reaction.

"Want help with that?" Kanda asked suggestively in Allen's ear as he undid the boy's pants. Allen moaned softly his mind fuzzy from the sensations and the burning desire in his nether regions. Smirking Kanda gripped Allen's cock and shafted slowly, watching in delight as the boy began panting and writhing against his touch.

"Well Allen, do you want me to help or should I stop?" Kanda asked teasingly, a chuckle escaping him as a bewildered expression overcame Allen's face.

"Please," Allen said softly, the innocence in his voice making Kanda painfully hard. The word was the same as when Tyki had made him say it, but it sounded so different – so damn adorable. Kanda paused for a moment just looking at Allen, feeling sick with himself for having thought that the boy looked so beautiful when he was being raped. Tracing over every detail of Allen's lithe body which straddled his hips Kanda brought Allen's face closer to his and captured the smaller boy's lips in a chaste kiss. Before he'd been desperate, the lust and yearning making the kisses hot and passionate but this was simple and gentle and Allen melted into it just like Kanda knew he would.

"Who am I to deny such a sincere request," Kanda said softly as he pushed Allen to stand only long enough to remove the boy's pants as well as his own. When Allen sat back down their erections pressed against each other, warm throbbing flesh begging for attention.

"Suck," Kanda said as he placed two fingers in front of Allen's mouth. Allen complied instantly, taking the two digits into his mouth and rolling his tongue over them. When Kanda was satisfied he pulled Allen against him leaning back on the seat. Kanda traced around Allen's entrance enticingly before probing in with one finger. Allen tensed at the intrusion, memories of Tyki resurfacing.

"Relax," Kanda ordered as he added a second finger and began a slow pace probing with his fingers and stretching Allen's entrance for what would later fill that tight hole. When Kanda added his third finger Allen bit his bottom lip to muffle the groan of pain. After a few moments of probing around Kanda pressed against a particularly sensitive spot, smiling in contentment as Allen arched against the touch.

Allen's mind had gone blank with pleasure that could have made him cum right there had Kanda pushed just a little bit harder.

"Ah, there it is," Kanda said as he felt Allen's body relax. "Do you want to lie down?" Kanda pulled his fingers out of Allen, who whimpered at the loss.

Allen shook his head his cloudy mind coming back down to earth as he lifted himself up a bit. Kanda took the hint and pulled the boy's hips closer before lining up his hardened member at Allen's entrance. Allen laced his hands behind Kanda's neck as he slowly lowered himself onto Kanda's cock. Allen bit his lip again as he forced himself further down, inching down until he was sitting, thoroughly impaled on the hard shaft. Allen was so hot and tight it took almost all of Kanda's willpower not to start bucking into Allen's body. Remaining still while Allen got himself used to the intrusion Kanda brushed the couple of tears that had built up in the corners of Allen's eyes.

It hurt a lot, Kanda was large and hard and his muscles felt stretched way too much – but it was far from the agony he'd experienced with Tyki. Allen mentally thanked Kanda for his patience, even as the throbbing between his thighs drove him higher out of his senses.

Allen began to move slowly, he lifted himself up before sliding back down as he began a slow but steady rhythm. Kanda let out a guttural moan as he felt Allen's muscles contract against him in a sinfully pleasurable way. Kanda gripped Allen's hips and pulled Allen down while thrusting upwards searching for that spot he'd found earlier. Allen moaned and mewled as their pace sped up.

Thrusting upwards into Allen Kanda smirked as the boy's body shuddered as a wave of pleasure rippled through them both. Kanda continued to thrust up, hitting Allen's prostate each time making the white haired boy go wild – head bowed and breathing heavily as pants and gasps accompanied flushed cheeks and the sleek layer of sweat dampening the fringe of his white locks and rolling down his neck.

They were both nearing completion, Kanda gripped Allen's hardened member and began to shaft him as the boy continued to impale himself on Kanda's cock. Faster, harder the two were lost in their passion.

"Nnngh Kanda I'm-" Allen groaned.

"I know. Do it," Kanda said feeling the heat building in his groin. Allen came first, shaking in his orgasm as white pearly strings of semen splashed against both his and Kanda's stomachs. With Allen's release came the almost painful contractions that brought Kanda ever deeper into the boy's body. Thrusting up further and burying himself fully in Allen Kanda released into the tight warmth that Allen provided, orgasm rocking his senses and waves of pleasure overcame him.

The two remained still as they rode out the post orgasmic sensations. Allen could feel the heat that had spilled into him – filling him – leaving him fully content. It was nothing like the disgusting dirty feeling he got when Tyki had ejaculated into him.

"Kanda," Allen said shakily as he leaned against the older male.

"What?" Kanda asked as he hugged the boy closer not wanting to let go, not wanting to leave the warmth of the smaller boy's ass. 'That was much better than anything that bastard could have felt,' Kanda thought smirking as he kissed at Allen's neck.

"This is real right?" Allen asked.

"Yeah," Kanda replied.

"Is it alright for me to love you?" Allen asked.

"Yeah," Kanda replied chuckling. Allen smiled a sincere smile which put Kanda at ease – a little bit of life had returned to the cursed boy.

"I love you Kanda…I'm yours," Allen said softly as the two shared a gentle though passion filled kiss.

"I know," Kanda said smirking. Allen smiled, Kanda didn't say _I love you too _but then again it was Kanda and he didn't express such things in words. Even if he never heard it Allen was content just knowing that Kanda wanted him – the feeling of being needed giving him a reason to keep living his cursed life.

Kanda slackened his hold on Allen, allowing the other boy to get up, his penis sliding out in the process. Kanda stared at Allen as a blush dusted his normally passive features. His seed along with some of Allen's blood trickled down the boy's thighs, slowly caressing the milky skin as it descended. Allen bent over to pick up his discarded clothing, giving Kanda a perfect view of the boy's ass and the liquids seeping from it.

Allen turned his eyes widening in mild shock, almost dropping the clothes he'd picked up in the process.

"God Kanda already?" Allen asked a deep flush painting his cheeks.

"Damn it Moyashi, you are too fucking erotic for your own good," Kanda cursed as he grabbed his pants from Allen making to pull them on.

"You don't want…" Allen trailed off the blush deepening on his cheeks. Kanda cocked a brow and smirked.

"You really want to go again?" Kanda's voice was teasing and damnably seductive.

"I-it's not that…it's just…" Allen stuttered as Kanda stood and walked closer to him.

"Don't worry," Kanda whispered against Allen's ear, "there's plenty of time for fun before we reach Turkey."

Allen shivered at the unspoken promise and nodded as he hurriedly dressed himself.

xXx

Kanda stroked his fingers through Allen's soft white locks, a contented expression on his face. Their encounters over the past few days had been quite eventful. They bickered still but the nature of their relationship had changed quite a bit. Allen wouldn't sleep anywhere but at the older male's side, having said something along the lines of feeling safe and that he doesn't have nightmares if he feels Kanda there. Kanda had laughed at Allen's recent child like antics. Allen would open his eyes or turn from looking out the window just to make sure Kanda was still there and would smile that heart warming smile that expressed nothing but love and admiration.

Those looks would make Kanda feel his heart beat just a little bit faster. Allen seemed to glow with a warmth and devotion that Kanda didn't quite understand, but it was when Allen looked at him like that that he knew the boy would do anything for him.

The promise Tyki had left was that of a quick and painful fuck but what Kanda and Allen shared wasn't anything as mundane as the meaningless act. Their sexual encounters were full of passion – the physical representation of their love set aflame – each time driving each other to the pinnacle of pleasure filled abandon. They'd escape to a place, for those few moments, where nothing else mattered but each other. It was a comfort that Kanda never knew he could experience.

Kanda's eyes caressed Allen's sleeping face as he smiled down at his lover. He'd noticed the spark that had returned to Allen and it pleased him more than any of their sexual adventures. Allen had always put on a front at the Order, ever since he arrived at their doors on that stormy night, the smiles seemed forever to cling to the boy even in the midst of misery he'd put on his best smile to reassure everyone around him but it was so fake it had been sickening. Allen had lost that smile and that resolve when Tyki had raped him but now Allen was better for it – his smiles were sincere and they were reserved exclusively for Kanda.

Kanda had been thinking a lot about their relationship, though happier than he'd ever been Kanda still retained a shred of doubt and worry. Allen professed just how much he loved him but the emotion was foreign to Kanda and even if he did admit he felt those emotions about the boy he couldn't bring himself to say it, the finality of it seemed too ominous. Allen never brought it up but he knew the boy must feel some kind of insecurity – he'd be foolish not to – especially if his lover never professed any concrete words of indefinite affection. Kanda was no fool, he didn't assume that simply telling the boy he wanted to protect him, that he cared about him and that he wanted him would suffice. Still he couldn't bring himself to say it and it troubled him that Allen may perceive the lack of confirmation to mean that this was a temporary means for sating sexual frustration or that Kanda was just using him for his body.

"Kanda," Allen's voice was soft and worried as his silver eyes stared up at Kanda and the troubled expression on his face.

"You're awake," Kanda said as he banished the expression from his face.

Allen had his own suspicions on Kanda's troubled expression, he'd seen it several times over the past few days and he had a feeling it had to do with Kanda not giving him a definite response to his claim of affection. The three words weren't nearly as important to Allen as the love he felt from Kanda – after all words were just words and they could do nothing to keep a person warm or to wipe away their tears. Allen had been debating whether or not to just up and say he didn't need the words how everything Kanda did and said was more than enough and with the expression he'd woken up to it was clear to him what to do.

"I Love you Kanda," Allen said and noticed the uneasy look in Kanda's eyes though a smile twisted up the corners of his mouth. 'I knew it. Damn what do I say,' Kanda thought feeling dismayed at his predicament, 'damn, how fucking hard is it to say three little words?' Kanda scolded himself.

"I don't need words, just having you here beside me is more than enough," Allen said smiling softly up at his lover. Kanda was silent, his thoughts even coming to a halt. "When I said it to you I was worried you'd hate me – after all what would a little orphan like me, who grew up on the streets know of love. The very concept of being loved by someone is so foreign to me – there was only one person in my life when I was younger who'd ever shown me kindness and it was a simple as that. I'm not stupid enough to believe that it was a transcending kind of love but it had been warm and comforting."

Allen had paused and seemed to be organizing his thoughts as his hand gripped Kanda's to reassure himself as well as Kanda that this was real.

"I know I'm really dysfunctional and that no one in their right mind should even care for a sinner like me but just being with you makes me happy. Knowing you're there when I wake up and knowing that we can still fight and argue like normal may seem simple and insignificant but those things you do mean so much more to me than those words you've been struggling with," Allen said, "after all you've already told me that I'm enough just as I am, what more could I possibly want."

Kanda was stunned Allen had read him like an open book. Kanda started to laugh, 'how could I have been so stupid, Allen is far from ordinary, so why would I think he'd act or worry about the expected things,' Kanda thought. Smiling softly down at Allen, Kanda leaned in and captured the boy's lips in a chaste kiss.

'I love you,' Kanda thought though the words didn't pass his lips. When he pulled away he looked down into the gorgeous silver eyes of his lover who smiled up at him contentedly.

"I love you too," Allen said.

Kanda cupped Allen's cheek, the younger boy moving into the caress. They didn't have to say anything because it was simply understood in everything they did – after all actions speak louder that words.

xXx

"We're finally here," Allen said as he stared out the window as the train pulled into the station. "Where are we meeting Krory and Miranda?"

"At the docks," Kanda said.

The two made their way to the docks and sure enough both Miranda and Krory were waiting. Miranda looked quite nervous and was rambling on about something while Krory attempted to calm her, though his words were pretty much lost on the German woman.

"Miranda, Krory ," Allen called, smiling as he approached with Kanda at his side.

"Oh Allen!" Miranda burst out in tears. "I'm so sorry, I thought we were late. Were we? Oh no! We were so late you hade time to leave and come back…and God the ship! Is this the right ship? Did we miss the ship?"

"Calm down Miranda, you're not late. You're right on time, if not early," Allen said. Kanda simply scowled. 'What the hell is he playing so nice for? She's always like this,' Kanda thought but he knew that despite Allen's pain or his recent love interest, the boy would continue to act normally towards everyone else, trying too hard and making people feel better, even at the cost of his own happiness.

xXx

The group boarded the ship that would drop them off at their scheduled destinations. There was light conversation about the missions they were on, what kind of things the innocence was causing and other such trivialities. It had been several days since the group had boarded the ship and Allen had been amicably talking and spending time with the other two exorcists, leaving Kanda somewhat annoyed.

Allen still avoided contact though he over compensated with the cheerful façade. Kanda chose to distance himself during times like those – it was all too painful to see Allen hiding away behind that award winning smile.

Though Allen and Kanda were distanced during the journey, every time his silver eyes met Kanda's the façade would slip briefly to a genuine smile displaying a deep affection and longing. It only took that one moment for Kanda to become lost in the silver pools, everything else falling away.

Allen still slept at Kanda's side but that was it – the quick glances and the close proximity were all that was shared during the past couple of days. Kanda yearned for the younger boy, to feel the small frame of his lover in his arms, knowing he was safe.

They would be in Italy in less than a day and would part from their temporary companions, but Kanda burned for Allen and he could only wonder if the boy yearned for him too.

xXx

"Miranda, Krory! Take care of yourselves!" Allen called as the ship pulled out of the harbor. The two waved from the ship and Allen did the same from the docks only to feel a warm calloused hand wrap around his and pulled him away. Kanda ducked into the closest alley pushing Allen up against the wall he pressed his lips against the smaller boy's with such need and desperation that Allen's mind was sent reeling as he melted into the kiss.

"Kanda?" Allen's voice was soft and his mind was still a bit fuzzy as the older male pulled away.

"You have no fucking idea how much I want you right now," Kanda whispered against Allen's ear. Allen's lips curved up into a smile as he pulled Kanda forward into another, softer kiss.

"I do know," Allen blushed as he nipped at Kanda's neck causing the Japanese man to groan in pleasure, "because I feel it too." Kanda made a low guttural sound as he slid his hands around Allen's waist and hoisted him up higher against the wall. Instinctively Allen wrapped his legs around Kanda's waist and moaned as he felt Kanda's apparent arousal grind against his own.

Kanda began a slow rhythm as he grinded Allen into the wall driving them both to the edge with the friction and heated pressure. The alley was filled with moans, groans and pants. Allen threaded his fingers in Kanda's hair as he tilted the older male's face up to his in a desperately wanton kiss. Kanda deepened the kiss as Allen began to tremble in his arms.

Kanda began thrusting his hips harder against Allen. The white haired boy felt the blissful spike, sending waves of pleasure through his body to his groin. Breaking away from the kiss Allen stared into deep cobalt eyes, mouth hung open slightly in a gasp as he felt the clenching of his muscles in his gut before he released into his clothing.

Allen slumped panting in exhaustion, feeling Kanda's harsh breathing against his ear as the older male supported his limp body. Allen nuzzled into Kanda's neck breathing in the sweet musk that was his lover. As the aftershocks of Allen's climax wore off the boy became acutely aware of the hardness still pressing against him – Kanda hadn't finished.

"Nngh Kanda," Allen breathed into his lovers' ear.

"I need you Allen," Kanda groaned. "I need to be inside of you." Allen nodded breathing barely evening out against Kanda before he felt his pants coming undone.

"Help me out will you," Kanda growled. Allen fumbled with Kanda's pants, freeing the older man's erection. Allen felt a hand dip into his pants and grip him, becoming coated in his fluids. Allen's face flushed a deep red as Kanda brought the hand up licking the substance, smirking at Allen's expression.

"Kanda, don't do that," Allen saw the devious smirk that affixed itself to his lovers face and averted his eyes. Allen gasped as he felt two fingers dip into him – stretching him.

"Nnngh now," Allen groaned, "in me now." Kanda smirked at the boy's desperation, almost wanting to draw it out just to tease him, but complied as he lined himself up at Allen's entrance before plunging into the heat.

"God Allen," Kanda groaned as he felt the muscles clench against him, pulling him in deeper.

The two were lost in the reckless abandon of their passion, Kanda continually pounding into Allen's small frame. They were both nearing their climax and in one final thrust Kanda released as the waves of pleasure rolled over him. Allen came with him, arms wrapped tightly around Kanda as his body trembled as the two calmed down from their post orgasm high.

"Kanda, we have to go now," Allen breathed heavily as Kanda slumped to the ground bringing Allen down with him. "The finder will be waiting to take us to the inn."

"Screw the damn finder, let me hold you a little longer," Kanda growled as he hugged Allen possessively.

xXx

"Are you sure she's here?" Allen asked the finder who nodded in confirmation.

The two had met the finder who had been filled in on the mission the two were on and had found where the gypsy woman was staying. Now here the two exorcists stood alongside the finder, in front of the small house on the edge of the small town.

Allen knocked at the door and was surprised when the woman who opened it was holding a gun in his face.

"W-w-wait," Allen stuttered as he stumbled away from the door.

"Who're you and what do you want?" the woman asked keeping the gun trained on Allen.

"You're Nadya right?" Allen asked.

"Answer the damn question if you don't want to die," Nadya said.

"I'm Allen Walker and we're here about your abilities," Allen said swallowing as he held his hands up in front of him defensively.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Leave now and I won't blow a hole in that pretty little face of yours," Nadya said.

"You even try it and I'll cut that fucking arm of yours off," Kanda growled dangerously as his hand was gripped on Mugen's hilt, ready to draw.

"Miss Nadya, please we mean you no harm. We just want to talk," Allen said quickly.

"No harm? You bastards are leading them right to me!" Nadya yelled.

"Them?" Allen asked.

"The bloody mechanical demons you stupid little brat, that's who! Now get the fuck out of here!" Nadya shouted as she pulled the trigger, the bullet just barely missing Allen. "That was a warning, I won't miss again."

In a moment Kanda had his Mugen pointing to Nadya's neck.

"The innocence is what's attracting them now don't fuck with us," Kanda's voice was angry…really angry, after all the woman before him had just shot at his lover. The gypsy swallowed as she stared at the sword before lowering her gun.

"Innocence?" Nadya asked.

"We believe that the innocence is in your tarot cards. It's what's allowing you to predict the future," Allen said.

"Those cards were passed down to me from my grandmother and there has never been an incident like what happened back in Goa," Nadya said.

"You are probably an accommodator," Kanda said. "It would be in your best interest to go to the Black Order; they'll be able to explain everything to you." Nadya looked at Kanda skeptically before stepping back through the door.

"Come in," Nadya said. Kanda and Allen followed the woman into her home, the finder choosing to make himself scarce. "Sit," the word was clipped showing her discomfort. The woman disappeared through a door, returning moments later with a deck of long cards in her hands.

"This is the reason they're after me?" Nadya asked as she placed the deck on the table in front of the two.

"Have all your prediction been correct?" Allen asked.

"Yes, always even my grandmother's predictions would always come true," Nadya said.

"Then yes, this is probably the reason they're after you. Innocence is a special substance that gives chosen people the ability to save the souls of those creatures," Allen said. Kanda cocked a brow at the sad expression that flitted through Allen's eyes.

"Save their souls? They're monsters, killers and I don't want to be a part of any of that. I don't give a damn if their souls need saving, so does everyone is this God forsaken world who isn't mechanical and has a vendetta against some stupid substance. They deserve to be damned," Nadya's voice was angry and cruel, nothing like what Allen would have pictured from how the restaurant owner in Goa had described her.

"They won't stop," Kanda said sparing a glance at Allen who'd become quite somber. "They'll keep coming after you until they have the innocence and then they'll kill you."

"Then take the cursed things with you and leave," Nadya said.

"If you're compatible with it, you'll be vulnerable without it," Allen said softly.

"How vulnerable will I be when I'm dead? These things can't save my life," Nadya said.

"Then how'd you get away in Goa?" Allen asked. There was silence for a moment.

"There was a bright glowing coming from the cards and when I touched them the glowing dimmed and the first card I had touched – just so happened to be Death – sent a kind of shockwave and all those things exploded. Next thing I knew I was waking up on a boat headed for Italy, so I assumed it had all been a dream," Nadya said. "It was too abnormal to be real anyway. Then I saw some of those things floating around outside of port and since then I've been here."

"Without those cards you won't be able to protect yourself if you get attacked again," Allen said seriously.

"Without them there will be no need to worry about being attacked anymore," Nadya said.

"But you-" Allen was cut off as Nadya picked the deck up and handed them to Allen.

"Shuffle," Nadya commanded and Allen stared down at the deck in his hands before doing as he was told. Taking the deck back from Allen Nadya laid out a simple three card spread.

"_The Hanged Man_, _The Tower_ and _The Moon_, three cards from the Major Arcana," Nadya muttered to herself before looking up at Allen, "you are quite the conflicted individual."

"What does it mean?" Allen asked.

"_The Hanged Man_ represents a sacrifice in exchange for knowledge, a change of perspective. _The Tower_ represents a war between lies and truth, the lightning is the illumination of truth on a previously conceived item or concept that is falsely held as such. _The Moon_ is all about visions, madness and illusions; it represents a journey and the horrors that lie in wait along your path," Nadya explained and watched as the white haired boy's silver eyes glassed over. Kanda registered the sadness and took one of his hands in his own, squeezing gently as a means for silent comfort.

"Perhaps you are struggling with this war and the creatures you fight, not in a literal sense but on a more personal level. You say save yet to do so you must kill and such a twisted justice would only feed your madness. You'll give everything up in order to gain something and at that point you won't be able to look at things the same again, you'll know something that will only cause you pain," Nadya said as her definitive prediction of the future that awaited Allen.

Kanda shot the woman a glare, Allen hadn't needed to know what came next; they both already knew that life at the Order wasn't going to get easier especially with whatever the Earl was planning.

"Shuffle," Nadya said as she collected the cards and offered them to Kanda.

"I don't care what about what's going to happen tomorrow or in the next year. All I care about is right now and the minute that follows this one," Kanda said causing the woman to laugh.

"Such an interesting person you are. You can put up a front for your boy there but you know you want your future, everyone does – its what makes humans fight everyday, the hope for tomorrow. There isn't anyone who can truthfully say that they don't care about what their future holds, if their dreams will come true or if they'll turn to dust in the harsh face of reality," Nadya was bitterly cynical and had a devious smirk twisting the corners of her mouth. "Shuffle Mr. Swordsman and I'll tell you what _your _future holds."

"Che," Kanda glanced at Allen before looking back to the deck, 'will I ever find that person?' he couldn't help but think and so he picked up the deck. After shuffling, Kanda set the cards on the table in front of the gypsy.

"_The Chariot_, _The Lovers_ and _Death_. You're just as bad as he is," Nadya muttered shaking her head. "_The Chariot _represents an endless stream of possibilities and the resulting confliction of choice. _The Lovers_ represents a sequence of growth and maturity and love, an emotion that forces one to do make choices that he may not understand. _Death_ signifies humility and transformation, a transition to a higher state by first descending into the depths of humbleness."

There is a brief moment of silence as Kanda looks at Allen.

"You are conflicted; you have an endless expanse of possibilities lying before you - the struggle of war and the search vengeance perhaps – the paths are many and they lead in opposite directions yet you need to follow both. Add in the influence of love and how it causes you to do things and need things that take you further from your paths leading you into a place which follows no path," Nadya paused as she glanced at Allen, "you can comfort him if you'd like but nothing you say will change what he knows is true."

"Shut up," Kanda snapped at the gypsy giving a quick side glance at Allen who was still and quiet beside him.

"You're life energy is draining, the transformation of _Death _isn't necessarily death itself, rather illness or weakness. You are much too prideful and as such things in your future look to be quite rocky. But you will come upon some situation in which you will humble yourself and in doing so you will ascend to a higher state of being in which your illness or weakness is remedied," Nadya said.

Silence fell across the room as the gypsy finished speaking before she gathered the cards together and placed them in a black silk pouch.

"Take them with you and go. I want nothing more to do with this world of yours and the war that you fight. I've read my cards already and I will not become a pawn in someone else's game," Nadya said standing and leaving the two exorcists alone in the room.

"Allen, are you alright?" Kanda asked as he draped an arm over Allen's shoulder.

"All this time I was trying to convince myself that my madness was only in my dreams but she's right. And I can't help but wonder what I'll see once I give up," Allen said softly.

"You are much too stubborn to ever give up; it pisses me off sometimes you know. She's right though, you will sacrifice everything, you always do," Kanda said, "you're naïve and a fool and I just can't get enough of you."

Allen's cheeks flushed as his silver eyes met Kanda's cobalt ones. Kanda leaned in and captured Allen's lips in a gentle affectionate gesture before standing with the innocence in hand.

"Let's go, our mission here is complete," Kanda said as he walked towards the door. Allen blinked a couple of times before following the older man, a smile on his face. 'Whatever the future holds it can't be so bad as long as he's there,' Allen thought.

The mission complete and a well of information suppressed, the two exorcists made their way back to the place they called home. The future could wait, all they needed was now.

_The End_

* * *

A/N: Another one done! This plot bunny hopped out of my rather messed up sleep deprived mind when I was neglecting my school work again. The whole thing started when I could have sworn I heard, _so what if Allen got raped_. From there out the sadistic and perverted gears in my head started turning and then there was much embarrassment and even more annoyance as I typed this out.

I got seriously pissed off when writing this because I felt that the tone was inconsistent and I hated how Allen's and Kanda's characters are at some points but for some reason I don't know how to fix it to my satisfaction – from when Allen and Kanda meet up with Miranda and Krory to the end was a disaster in my opinion.

Kudos to anyone who figures out the allusions made in the tarot readings to what happens in the anime :)

I really should stop procrastinating on my projects though, I have a defense paper on _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland _due on Tuesday, a presentationon biological weapons on Wednesday, and a paper on parental influence in their children's university lives due on Thursday, not to mention the night school classes for math that started this week – God I suck at math. Until I catch up with my school work chances are there won't be anything new up, though I'll work on things whenever I get a chance to.

Well until next time, thanks to everyone who's reviewed my other stories it really is a great motivation and confidence booster seeing all your lovely comments and on that note…comments are welcomed – they make me happy :)


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